It hurts when people say mean things. For me especially, it hurts when people say mean things about me or about other people. I have this innate emphatic nature that I guess is nice, but kind of annoying.
I wish I can stop the passing of mean and hurtful things. And I wish I know what to do when I am the one which vicious words are being directed to. I'm so eager on getting along with people that I don't say anything back.
There was an incident almost 10 years ago when my stepsister and I were hit by a motorcycle. As the drama unrolled, she claimed that I was the one who pulled her back - which is why both of us got hit, instead of me alone. If I hadn't done that, she could have crossed safely, supposedly. I guess then everyone assumed I was the dysfunctional one. The truth is, I can't remember what had happened. All I remember was us crossing, then I saw the motorcycle coming, I shouted at my stepsister, then I got hit and rolled on the ground.
When my brother heard my story, he was furious: 'Why didn't you tell everyone that? Why did you let Syira make you look bad?'
In all honesty, it is because I can't remember whether I did pull her back or not. At that moment, my heart was racing, my mind was blank - I could have died if the motorcycle did not swerved away, just because I was petrified.
Was I really supposed to say something? Both of us survived, and no one punished me or look at me differently. It was just words. However, I did changed and become defensive ever since then. Any single wrong thing uttered to my face, and I would rebut back. Which makes me seem annoying.
When people say mean things about you, what are you supposed to do? I guess it depends on the significance of the offense. Most of the time, I ignore and looked away. I let the scars wound and I avoid the person who said it until I was okay with him/her.
What if it was public though? In movies, it seems cool to take a bow and let the jerk look like a fool - but in real life, you have an audience that publicly laughs with the jerk but no one sees the hurt.
Which brings me to another pondering question: Is it okay, is it actually good and preferable to mock something factual about your friend? Like poking the person and saying "OMG, you're fat!" I always thought that in these situations people would usually come to the defense of the victim, but so many times do I witness the audience laughing along and encouraging the mean, spineless bastard.
Why?
Why?
Why do people not care or empathize? Is this fun?
It is a real wonder how bullies just never get old. Among adults, the bullies are even more senseless.
Pira after reading this post I hope you are doing great over there. You can't control people' mouths but at least you can control your emotion. I know you, and I know how great you are at not being emotional in public.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, if you cannot tahan your bully friend, tell him/her face to face that you don't like how he/she is treating you. at least that person knows how you feel about his/her annoying personality. Take care k dear :)
hohoho...stumbled upon your blog from Mas'. Was hoping to read something juicy from your most recent post "Love + Relationship" but was disappointed :(.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, if I did say anything that hurt you, believe me it was not intentional, and I'd rather you tell me and shame me than to have you feel bad in silence.
Otherwise, let's just say that there are only two ways to handle bullies or people who have no control over their mouths/actions:
1. Smack them hard, but do so sincerely in the hope of helping them realise their mistakes;
2. Be nice and gentle, tell them sincerely of their attitudes, and most of all, set an example yourself to be considerate.
Depending on my mood, I will pick either one. Works best if you use both :).
OR you can just ignore them and let them face harsher lessons when they meet bigger bullies :)
Hahaha, I actually never thought that my blog would be read by anyone. Thanks for the caring words, I appreciate the support =)
ReplyDeletep/s Yao Hua, I agree that the 'Love & Relationship ' post is too bland. I actually had a juicy idea that was spinning in my head like crazy until my fingers hit the keyboard. Then, I was left with an idea with no inspiration. Sorry! I'm disappointed too.