Being Fake

A friend of mine recently told me that I can be fake. On hindsight, that sounds like an awful thing to be. But maybe, the reason that I (and many other people) are being fake are for the benefit of other people.

Have you ever felt furious or so down, but at totally the wrong time? Like when you're at a party celebrating a happy occasion with your friends or something similar that doesn't really allow you to bawl out tears or punch the wall with a hard-hitting fist. What can you do?

1. Go out, and solve that problem. But what if you problem involves a member of the party? Do you start a cat fight right there and then or punch the person's face? Neither is an option for me.

2. Bathroom, to cool down. But you can't really stay in there until the coast is clear, can you? That might mean you have to wait till the party is finished.

3. Suck it up (Being fake). Which means having to ignore the wrath of emotional waves inside of you, put on a smile and try to go along with the party. It won't last long, and usually when it ends, your head cools down to the real reason for your anger or sorrow, and you are more likely to solve the problem without the influence of other little reasons that might make you so mad.

Imagine if I didn't try to hide my emotions: I might just ruin the mood of the party (not to say that I haven't done that before). What if my little frustration was just that: little and insignificant - but it was just hormones that amplified it?

Nevertheless, I guess that's not the only place you can be fake. I guess I can be fake when I talked to people I've met, can't remember and not really in the mood to be talking - but I do anyway. That's really faking it, I guess. But simply ignoring is simply more vicious: the person might feel like he/she had done something to make you turn your nose up when you see him.

Which is a characteristic I feel I see in people who think they are not fake: simply vicious.

The world revolves around how they think and feel at the moment. Maybe they take pride in being honest to themselves, and maybe even the fact that their actions compelled people around them to feel bad. I've met a few vicious people, lived with them and decided that maybe being fake is better. At least I don't give people around me the wrong impression, and there are less people I hurt.

Not that I've never been vicious. There have been those times, and those unknowing victims. But I really am trying to be fake (opposed to vicious) when the clouds turn gray in my life.

Maybe, just maybe, being fake is not such an awful thing.