Sometimes

Sometimes I wonder
If you regret the words you've spoken to me
In the limited time that we get to converse.
Because I do
I regret saying the hurtful things I said
or the lines of defense I put up
against what you have said.

No matter how hard I tried
The times I tell myself to be nicer
or to be more patient
I find myself lashing throats with you
Because of the accusations that you put on me
Or the things you blame I didn't do
Or just in the hopes of calming you -
Hurtful words just arise
And my tears fell
And my healing heart scars again
The cut twice as deep
The mind swirling with a headache:
Why are we on this roller coaster ride, again?

Sometimes I wonder,
something I am almost sure of
but yet scared to say out loud,
sometimes I do wonder
If you enjoy starting these stupid fights
If you're pleased with the screech in my voice rebelling against you
If you're glad that I am showing anger
even when it is inflicted to you.

Because you know what irritates me,
You, of all people would know,
that what you're saying is wounding my heart.
How can you
When all I've ever done in my entire life
is to keep you happy
Your happiness has always been the key goal in my life

So why are you jeopardizing mine?