She told me what They said about me. Well, not really. She told me that They were talking behind my back, saying bad things about me.
I told her, it is to be expected. Maybe partially it is my fault too. I told her I don't want to hear specifics; I already know what the topics are on. And I can guess (pretty accurately) what They are saying.
If I'm being the bigger adult by not wanting to know the gossip, or even say anything rude back about Them - why does it hurt so much? It's been three days since I knew of this and I can't stop feeling angry.
I just feel SO mad. I just want to shut Them out of my lives forever. Over what? What I heard from someone. I don't want to call this gossip, because gossips are rumors. The fact that They are saying things about me is true. I know it's true. It is in their nature.
But what right do I have to be angry? Even if I were to confront them, what sort of foundation would my evidence be? "Well, I heard from so-and-so that you said..."
They would laugh and mock me. I will be asking for it. So now, my only solution is to forgive. You'd think with all this fasting during Ramadhan it'll be easier, but no, my prayers to God for a forgiving heart is not yet answered. I am only hoping that I don't lash out on any innocent victims.
Actually, writing it out helps a bit. My only wish is to have lived in bliss, and didn't hear those words uttered from her mouth. But what can I do, as the movie 'Inception' insists, and idea planted in one's head can never be taken back.
hehe. we can't control what others say or think, because the mouth is theirs, their brains and hearts are theirs.
ReplyDeletesimilarly only we ourselves can control what we say, how we listen and to a large degree how we want to feel or think of others.
if the intention isn't sincere, the action has no value, and deserves no attention.
:)