Missed Weddings and such

My first brother got married last December the weekend before my finals week. His wedding was 20 hours away by flight. I couldn't make it, obviously. I had officially missed my first sibling's day of marriage. So I was kind of sad, but it's okay. Everyone understood. After a few days, even I didn't care so much.

But just this weekend, my second brother got engaged. There was a huge family gathering, everyone was celebrating - giving best wishes, celebrating the moment and to the better future. I get that little itch in my heart that tear a little. I wasn't there because I'm here again. It's a little sad, since I know I won't be home for the wedding too. I guess that's okay too, because everyone understood the circumstances.

But there is one circumstance I don't get. The fact that in the midst of all these happiness, there is a side that is painfully grieving: my mum.

Is it that she is sad to leave her children whose responsibilities would be towards someone else - people she calls 'strangers'? Is it that she does not want to associate herself with new people, only the people she thinks she can count on: her children? Or is it that she is disappointed with her children because of our wrongdoings towards her?

The drama ensues again with the same topic, the same heartbreak, the same cause, the same reason, the same people. When will we ever learn? Why is it that in my family, history repeats itself? Maybe it is I who only feels that way. I am a coward at facing the drama. For me, it is nothing more than jumping into a battle of sharp tongues slaying each others self-esteem to its pieces. The winning side gets an ego boost with all its scars, and learns to be more bitter towards the inferior. The losing side will tragically experience grief in a silent heartbreak: the shattered confidence is ignorantly left to the side to be forgotten - its pieces don't get a chance to anew itself.

This is how weddings, engagements, birthdays and happy celebrations end in my family. Congratulations to both my brothers. May your new relationships bring you more peace and rationality to the reality of the world, than paying attention to the stupid things "he said, she said".