My first brother got married last December the weekend before my finals week. His wedding was 20 hours away by flight. I couldn't make it, obviously. I had officially missed my first sibling's day of marriage. So I was kind of sad, but it's okay. Everyone understood. After a few days, even I didn't care so much.
But just this weekend, my second brother got engaged. There was a huge family gathering, everyone was celebrating - giving best wishes, celebrating the moment and to the better future. I get that little itch in my heart that tear a little. I wasn't there because I'm here again. It's a little sad, since I know I won't be home for the wedding too. I guess that's okay too, because everyone understood the circumstances.
But there is one circumstance I don't get. The fact that in the midst of all these happiness, there is a side that is painfully grieving: my mum.
Is it that she is sad to leave her children whose responsibilities would be towards someone else - people she calls 'strangers'? Is it that she does not want to associate herself with new people, only the people she thinks she can count on: her children? Or is it that she is disappointed with her children because of our wrongdoings towards her?
The drama ensues again with the same topic, the same heartbreak, the same cause, the same reason, the same people. When will we ever learn? Why is it that in my family, history repeats itself? Maybe it is I who only feels that way. I am a coward at facing the drama. For me, it is nothing more than jumping into a battle of sharp tongues slaying each others self-esteem to its pieces. The winning side gets an ego boost with all its scars, and learns to be more bitter towards the inferior. The losing side will tragically experience grief in a silent heartbreak: the shattered confidence is ignorantly left to the side to be forgotten - its pieces don't get a chance to anew itself.
This is how weddings, engagements, birthdays and happy celebrations end in my family. Congratulations to both my brothers. May your new relationships bring you more peace and rationality to the reality of the world, than paying attention to the stupid things "he said, she said".
Monday, April 19, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Procrastination
As I was about to start doing another post for today, I realized that it's no longer well.. 'today'. Technically, 1am means a new day right?
Anyways, this made me realize that although I can spent 10 minutes per day doing this, I have to arrange time to do this, and not just as something that I can do before sleeping. Part of this project is being consistent about making time to write, ad not just squeezing out brain juices.
It's all about being consistent everyday, and paying attention when I don't really want to. Like right now, my brain is saying 'sleep sleep sleep' but instead, I'm trying to just keep on writing. Hopefully, my posts gets more interesting after a few more practices with overcoming these distracting obstacles, like the busy-ness of life.
Anyways, I'm really trying to be consistent because of my lack of focus when I play volleyball. According to my friend-and-coach, I am not consistent. Like I can be really good and really horrible - and unpredictability is not a favorable skill. So here's why I'm doing this blog, to learn to be able to concentrate for ten minutes straight on something despite any other distractions of life.
One more day down, yay!
Anyways, this made me realize that although I can spent 10 minutes per day doing this, I have to arrange time to do this, and not just as something that I can do before sleeping. Part of this project is being consistent about making time to write, ad not just squeezing out brain juices.
It's all about being consistent everyday, and paying attention when I don't really want to. Like right now, my brain is saying 'sleep sleep sleep' but instead, I'm trying to just keep on writing. Hopefully, my posts gets more interesting after a few more practices with overcoming these distracting obstacles, like the busy-ness of life.
Anyways, I'm really trying to be consistent because of my lack of focus when I play volleyball. According to my friend-and-coach, I am not consistent. Like I can be really good and really horrible - and unpredictability is not a favorable skill. So here's why I'm doing this blog, to learn to be able to concentrate for ten minutes straight on something despite any other distractions of life.
One more day down, yay!
Monday, April 5, 2010
First Day
Hellooo World!
Creating this blog, I am trying to attempt to write a post everyday. It is part of the 'how-to-learn-to-be-a-good-writer' training that I should have started a loong time ago.
Okay, so here's how it works. I must write something, anything for at least ten minutes every single day to train my brain to write spontaneously and creatively as possible. In ten rushed minutes, my rambling thoughts hopefully can transpire into some interesting ideas or highlights of my day(s).
Also, this is a new leaf that I am trying out: to be more consistent in anything I do. As a friend of mine pointed out, I am not very good at being consistent in doing something. I suspect it's a case of ADD, but ahh, hopefully this can cure my little problem.
So here's a big warm welcome to my creative brain juices that is highly low on glucose right now thanks to someone forgetting to cook rice, but anyhow, a big warm welcome nonetheless. Here's to a new, interesting and open-eyed-blog posts and many more to come.
Cheers!
Creating this blog, I am trying to attempt to write a post everyday. It is part of the 'how-to-learn-to-be-a-good-writer' training that I should have started a loong time ago.
Okay, so here's how it works. I must write something, anything for at least ten minutes every single day to train my brain to write spontaneously and creatively as possible. In ten rushed minutes, my rambling thoughts hopefully can transpire into some interesting ideas or highlights of my day(s).
Also, this is a new leaf that I am trying out: to be more consistent in anything I do. As a friend of mine pointed out, I am not very good at being consistent in doing something. I suspect it's a case of ADD, but ahh, hopefully this can cure my little problem.
So here's a big warm welcome to my creative brain juices that is highly low on glucose right now thanks to someone forgetting to cook rice, but anyhow, a big warm welcome nonetheless. Here's to a new, interesting and open-eyed-blog posts and many more to come.
Cheers!
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